Friday, September 4, 2009

As Time Gets Closer...

Taije visiting his cousin Kiarra for the first time.


At the end of this month it will be a year since I had my beautiful little girl who is in Heaven. These past few visits to the cemetery have been really hard for me! There have been times when all I've wanted to do is just stay at home and lay in bed and other times when I just wanted to be with my family. As much as I'd like to think that it's going to get easier over time, I know that I'm always going to have my bad days, but that is when I know that I can go to my father in heaven for help and comfort. My husband Brad has been nothing, but wonderful to me through this and I love him more and more each day. I have a family friend who posted this poem on her page... this poem describes how I've been feeling lately.

Surviving...

People often ask me what it's like to lose a child, this poem describes what I feel sometimes.

My Mom Is A Survivor

My mom is a survivor,
Or so I’ve heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
When all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I’m with her
To help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
That never wash away…
I watch over my surviving mom,
Who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others…
A smile of disguise!But though
Heaven’s door I see
Tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her, knows
It is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
Through Heaven’s open door…
I try to tell her that angels
Protect me forevermore.

I know that doesn’t help her…
Or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her…
And show her that you care.

For no matter what she says…
No matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
That time won’t ever heal.

By Kaye Des’Ormeaux

9 comments:

Olayan Family said...

Love you so much, Ash! There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think of Kiarra. I love her so much. I am so grateful to have her as my niece. I look forward to the day when we can all be a family forever. You are such a strength and example to me!

Cula said...

Hey Ashely, I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

Natalie said...

That is such a sweet poem. I think of you often and how strong you are. I think I would spend the day in bed always.

hEiDi said...

{{{{HUG}}}}

You are an amazing person Ashley! Don't know how you do it girl. What a beautiful name she has and the poem is so so sweet. Hope you guys are doing good.

sdheinens said...

This is beautiful and you are so strong Ashley! I know I don't see you much but I think of you often. ♥♥♥

Mike_Bori Riggins said...

i love you ashley. I am thankful to be a part of your life. You are such a strong woman.

Kasey said...

Ash, I think i have gotten on here to write something at least 5 times and each time I erase it because it just never seems like enough, though nothing we can do will ever be enough to heal your heart, I hope you know how much we love you and think about you Brad and Kiarra all of the time! You are always in our thoughts and prayers and we seriously love and enjoy being with you guys soo much! Love you girl

The Fago Family said...

Ashley... I am so sorry for your loss. I could only imagine what you have to feel and the hurt you have to bare. I lost my older brother 14 years ago... I know my mom still hurts because the loss of a child is so much to handle. Just hearing your words is so inspiring to me! You are truly a great example to me and many others and I am too, so grateful that we have the gospel and the knowledge that Families are Forever!

A quote that helps me through the hard times is this:

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."

-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Hang in there girl! You are a strong daughter of God!

Love ya!

Amy Fago

The Perry Family said...

Oh Ashley, that poem was so tender. You are a survivor. You will always be an example of strength and someone who depends on The Lord, to all those around you!

(btw, this is chelsea perry)

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